The Eatsdropper is too old to bartend

So I turned 45 last week. The salt has nearly overtaken my pepper. I'm fatter than I'd like, for reasons that are not even remotely mysterious. I make less money than I'd like at this stage, but as a result of deliberate decisions I've made over the past few years that I wouldn't change on a bet. I skidded into my 46th year on the tails of an inspiring trip to New York to bond with my colleagues at, a fabulous week-plus of sun and relaxation with friends in Playa del Carmen, and a whirlwind conference in Las Vegas where I had a couple speaking enagements. So, all things considered, I'm right where I want to be. And now, your periodic dose of audible amusement.

Shopper: "You hike up to this spot that this guy named Ansel Adams used to hang out at. I guess he was some sort of photographer."
– Eatsdropped by Susan at the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market

Bubbly young man, in a tone of delighted recognition to café pal: "She was eating one of those sausages when I met her!"
– Eatsdropped by Liz at Russian River Brewing Company

Apparent VC: "I don't write checks for one million, I only write checks for five million and I expect returns of five or ten times that amount. "
– Eatsdropped by Sam at Four Barrel Coffee

In line waiting for a sandwich: "He was a very nice guy. Probably very stoned."
– Eatsdropped by Susan at Rhea's Deli

Guy on street: "Is he at a church or a bar? I can't tell the difference."
– Eatsdropped by Ezra on Melrose Ave in West Hollywood

Diner: "He's too old to bartend. He's like, late 30s."
– Eatsdropped by Brittney at Beretta

Dudebro, to other dudebro: "I don't want a whole restaurant. I just want more booze." 
– Eatsdropped by yours truly on avenida Quinta in Playa del Carmen